Wednesday, January 7, 2015

The Christmas Scam

I'm super excited because I received another scam email yesterday at work.  This one will really tug on your heart strings.
I took no small delay in forming my reply. 
I accidentally cut off the remainder of my email but I said -and I quote:
 "I look forward to hearing from you soon!" End quote
Then I hit SEND.
And it was fun. Yay!
I love a good scam.

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

Happy New Year!

Only the 6th day of the new year and I need a break. Or maybe a coffee mug that says "You're My Favorite". 
For the past 2 weeks, Dawson has been working endlessly on a stop motion film. When I say "Dawson has" I actually mean "Joy has" because as a result of this new-found fascination, I have labored long hours in a movie editing system to make his dream come true. Which actually turned Dawson into a Director Diva of sorts.. .making demands of me that couldn't be fulfilled like, "Mommy! I didn't say I wanted music at that part!"
One day Dawson had the idea to take his Transformer toy and take 100 pictures of it on the iPad while making the toy transform. When Jason used the iPad one day he saw that the data on it was maxed out and realized that Dawson had been taking hundreds of pictures on it... not realizing that Dawson had been using it to make a stop motion video. The pictures were erased and Dawson was devastated.
In order to make amends, Jason let Dawson use our Canon camera to take new pictures. I was a bit concerned, not really because it's an expensive camera.. but because the thing holds 5,000 photos and I didn't want to watch that many pictures flash across the screen in one sitting. Selfish. I know.
Dawson got the Optimus Prime Transformer he wanted for Christmas so he set to work making a stop motion film using his Transformers and his Emmet Lego guy (a lego set he got based on the Lego Movie). When he was finished, he asked if his pictures could be made into a video, and would you believe I found out that I have a video editing software on my laptop? 
I was able to upload all of Dawson's pictures to the software and out pooped (ha! accidentally typed "pooped" instead of "popped" but I think it's funny. so I'm not correcting it) this video. Then 30 million hours later I figured out how to add sound and let him do some of his own sound effects. 
Mostly, the video might not make sense. (just keeping it real). But I did my best to let Dawson keep it the way he wanted and only corrected a few things. 
Ladies and Gentleman, I present to you:
Transformers: Age of Emmet Extinction
Editors Note** the movie is 5 minutes long

Monday, December 29, 2014

Tis the Season to Be Jolly: Christmas 2014

To inaugurate the season, we took the boys to see Christmas lights. That sentence reeks with boredom. But using the word "inaugurate", really spices things up.
There's a house near ours that decorates and the lights are set to music. 101.9 FM to be exact. Evan was very sick and we had no idea how sick he was until we got home and he kept us me up 3 days straight coughing. Jason left for a business trip. I don't know why he doesn't take Evan with him. 
 On the eve of Christmas Eve, we let the boys have a camp out in our room. Really, it wasn't camping, but sleeping on the floor. But I can call it camping so I just did.
I began to think Christmas was never.going.to.come. this year. Mostly because everyday since Thanksgiving, Dawson spoke to me about Christmas gifts and what he wanted and made suggestions as to where we should shop. To say he was looking forward to Christmas would be an understatement.
Jason took this picture on his phone on Christmas morning. I thought it turned out rather spectacular. The tree is up so high off the ground, it made me feel like we should have purchased only gifts that were 4 foot tall or taller. 
 This picture is the one he took on our Canon camera. Those are my pink pajama clad knees. That's where I sit in the morning to read my bible. I must say, reading your bible by a lit Christmas tree that is covered in "Joy" ornaments adds a whole new dimension to devotions.
 I begged the boys to let us a take a picture of them coming down the stairs that morning. I also had to threaten the elimination of one gift per minute that they didn't cooperate.
 Stockings first. To supersede this tradition would diminish Christmas. I totally just used the word supersede correctly in a sentence.
 Jason forced me to take part in a pre-shower Christmas picture, resulting in stringy hair and the color pink. Aunt Bev, I accept your apology. There are more where this came from.
 Time to open presents!
 Dawson's theme this year was Transformers. He watches Transformers 4 on repeat. That being said, he had a bit of a pout session up in his room when Christmas was over because I apparently ordered the wrong "Slug" and "Scorn" transformers. The one's I purchased were for ages 5+ and changed in only 8 steps. God forbid!
 The Optimus Prime Transformer we bought him was the "Red Ryder BB Gun with compass and a stock and this thing which tells time". The very toy he pleaded, begged, and all around wouldn't stop talking about for one month straight. 
 Evan is obsessed with trash and garbage trucks. As a matter of fact, he's currently sitting at the kitchen island watching garbage trucks on youtube using my phone. No lie. He recently made his aunt Nessa let him watch the same thing on her phone when she babysat a couple of weeks ago. 
I'll confess, Jason and I were a tiny bit ecstatic when we found this one at TJ Maxx. And now that I've mentioned them by name in a public forum, I'm fully expecting a $500 gift card to arrive in the mail from them saying how much they appreciate me.
 Once the presents are all opened and equally admired, we force the children through our usual routine of Christmas pictures: 
Construction equipment brought to you courtesy of Evan's Excavation business.
 Of course, I spend hours on my hair.
 For whatever reason, I was in the mood for sepia. I'm not on any depression medication or anything, so my moods are subject to change without notification.
 Jason is very photogenic. If I were as photogenic as he is, I probably wouldn't feel the need to color, cut or otherwise maim my hair on a regular basis.
 Good-bye Christmas. 
Happy New Year!

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

10 Years of Christmas Hair.

Let me clarify that when I say "Christmas" I am using it in the generic sense of the term meaning "any time of year".  This is because I had a difficult time finding pictures of my hair on, or near Christmas. However, these photo's do represent each year for the past 10 years. 
Looking at old pictures gives you a new perspective on your hair. 
2003:
Wedding hair which was highlighted and lowlighted and medium length! Super bright white teeth brought to you by Crest White Strips. They should probably use me for a commercial.
2004:
My wedding hair had grown out so I kept highlighting over the top of it with a box kit until I was rather blond like you see here. I'm not sure I like the color, but maybe the length is okay. I also didn't have a perm. That's crunchy stuff in my hair.
2005a:
This was the day I had announced to my family that we were pregnant with Dawson. Well I was the one pregnant but you are supposed to say "we" right? I had just colored my hair with Clairol Caribbean Caramel. My little niece Kazlan likes my hair color. I can tell by her cuteness.
2005b:
Just a few weeks later and I was still pregnant but I don't think I look pregnant do you? We're at the wedding of Jason's cousin Tiffany. I had just told their family that I was pregnant and Jason's Aunt Nora said she could tell! It doesn't matter, I had my Pepsi and this is a closer depiction of how I did my Caribbean Caramel hair.
2006:
Darker hair but about the same length. I think I would be just as cute if I was bald like Dawson. I looked younger in 2006. I was probably using Proactiv.
2006b:
Just a few short months after the previous picture was taken I decided highlights were in order. I was going for highlights the same color as a rotisserie chicken. I'd like you all to know that Jason had a t-shirt made for me with this picture on it.
2007:
My cousin Joe's wedding and I decided to go with darker hair. Me and my sister Bobbie. Bobbie keeps her hair highlighted and long now. Maybe I should have my hair highlighted and long? 
2008:
Darker longer hair in San Diego, CA. I think I like side swept bangs. Maybe I should consider a wig.
2008b:
I miss the white pants I'm wearing. I'm pretty sure that's the only point to this picture because my hair looks mostly the same.
2009:
Shoulder length and highlighted. I think I wanted my hair to match Dawson's.
2010:
Longer hair caramel color again. I have I never been able to make up my mind? No. No I have not.
2010b:
Outdoor lighting on caramel hair. And Cheetos in Dawson's mouth.
2011:
Long dark straight hair. This color and length is how it has remained since 2011. Maybe that's why I'm bored. I'd also say I need a tan.
2012:
Mother's Day. Hair is okay but I look tired. Maybe I should highlight my eyebrows.
2013:
I don't think I have highlights, I'm outside and it makes my hair look orange which I don't.like.at.all. Good thing Evan is so cute, to make up for my iron-hair look.
2013b:
By Christmas inside, my hair looked darker. I need a new way to style it. Mohawk maybe.
2014:
Mother's Day this year. I have a few more layers now, but the same color. I think I look like Medusa in this picture.
Finally bringing 1 million pictures of me to a close. 
Tell me what to do with my hair. 
Thank you.

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Roadside Christmas

In the true spirit of Christmas, I'm here to report how disappointing Colorado Christmas attractions can be. 
Case in point:
The Holly Acres Christmas Tree Farm in Elizabeth, CO. A supposed wonderful Christmas attraction that happened to be on some dilapidated farm like two feet off the side of a state highway.
You would think that with Colorado being the Christmas tree capital of the world (I just made that up but it's probably true because I'm always making up true things) there would be plenty of delightful places to visit during the Christmas season. Jason was the first to eventually admit he was a bit suspicious of this place based on the website alone. Mostly because he thought it looked like it was designed by a prison inmate that couldn't master underwater basket weaving. But when you are desperate for kid friendly Christmas events, you don't speak your mind. Until afterward.
The admission was free. This was admirable, considering the fact that the very first option for children upon entering was to pay $10 to get a picture of your child sitting on a caged zebra. We quickly bypassed the zebra and moved on to the caged camels. They were free. To look at. This particular specimen seemed a bit snobbish, as though having his picture taken should have been a paying opportunity.
If you were sneaky, you could pet the mange on his backside.
 It was 65 degrees and sunny when we went... not exactly Christmas kind of weather. 
 Right next door to the caged camel was the petting zoo. Also free! Jason let me take Evan in the cage because he didn't want to be petted or get the mange. 


Dawson asked gramma and grandpa for an alpaca for Christmas.  Walmart.com should have those, right? 
Jason got soooo bored during this endeavor that he decided to get a picture of a horse pooping for entertainment. Also free!  Although this particular horse was a speed-pooper and Jason missed the actual moment.  I'm sure you don't mind.

New "Elf on the Shelf" elves for purchase:
 While Jenessa took the girls to wait in line for pony rides, I took the boys for a walk through a statue graveyard display. Evan randomly chose statues and popped a squat.  Also free!


Dawson felt a bit dejected and asked if he could join the fun.

 I'm not sure where he gets his personality. My guess is Abraham Lincoln. I'm pretty sure he's in our bloodline.
 For just $5 your child could wait in line to ride a pony around in a circle 3 times. Talk about Christmas cheer! These little cuties were totally worth the wait. 
Miss Gabi was a pro.
 Mia should be featured on an Equestrian magazine.
 I had to wait in line to use the one port-a-potty but I didn't have to buy tickets for that feature, so that was nice. I just left a free-will offering (Jason wrote this sentence).  No. No one took a picture of me waiting in line for the port-a-potty. 
I suppose our expectations are too high, since we come from Indiana and the outdoor Christmas events they have there for children are pretty lofty. 
Thankfully, our day was redeemed. On the way to the tree farm we passed a state park we had never heard of, Castlewood Canyon.


 Since it was so warm out, we did a lot of hiking
 There's a pavilion that overlooks the canyon. I got a picture of the boys ignoring me.
I imagine the canyon is even prettier in the summer. I have an active imagination.
 

The moral of this story is to avoid roadside Christmas events in Colorado and visit The North Pole instead... or Indiana!