Dandelions.



Have you ever been given a dandelion when you felt like you were worth a palm tree? Or even a daisy, for heaven's sake?

I grew up poor. That being said, you might understand the trauma I faced when I had to go to school in Palmetto's when all of my classmates were wearing Guess jeans. All for a stupid triangle to accentuate my big 6th grade butt, I tell you.  It seems to me that Palmetto's are the dandelions of Guess. Wouldn't you say?

Now that I'm all grown up and could really care less about name brands, spending most days dressed as a vagabond in my house, I have other dandelion issues.

For instance, I have spent hours grieving over the loss of all of Evan's pictures and videos.

However. I have EVAN.

Besides, when I reflect on all the times a certain little 2 year old boy named Dawson learned to pick flowers and give them to mommy, they were nearly always dandelions. Only they were like palm trees when he gave them to me. Okay, so there were a few times that Dawson picked flowers from the neighbors flower bed. But I didn't tell.

Too bad our neighbor didn't have palm trees.

The Horrible, Terrible, No Good, Very Bad, Mother's Day.

Have you ever had a day that just goes wrong? One thing after another just piles up. And then to top it off, it's a day that's supposed to actually be fun and happy? Like say... Mother's Day?

That was my day yesterday.

It all began with an attempt to get Mother's Day pictures with me and the boys.

Yes, picture at least 5 more pictures of this magnitude of horror.

I mean, of course we wanted to spare ourselves the tragedy of my first Mother's Day with Dawson that have no photos to show for it. I've had words to say about that on not just one but several occasions.

We went to lunch at a place where we were able to sit down immediately! But the food was no good.

So we decided to go for a hike to enjoy the new jogging stroller we bought and work off the lousy food we had just consumed.

Say hi to Evan who doesn't seem to like the new stroller.

The hike was enjoyable enough right up until I was pushing Evan up a steep hill and lost footing on the crumbling dirt. Just as I was yelling out to Jason to reach down and grab him, the stroller crashed on it's side. Of course Evan just sat through the ordeal like I crash him every day. He didn't even make a noise. He just sat there like it was routine. "Oh okay, this is the part where mom wrecks our brand new stroller with me in it and we go crashing sideways. We've done that every day since I was born." After much yelling and use of the word "freakin" we got the stroller up the hill.

We finished the hike and returned home.

This is where I decided to do a blog post as a tribute to my mom.  So I went and got our external hard drive that has every single picture on it that we own. I plugged it into my laptop and was plugging away, when Jason stopped in and asked if I could grab him a pop from the refrigerator and to please hurry because he and Dawson were thirsty. So I quickly turned and ran directly into the cord plugged into the hard drive which plummeted to the ground and BROKE. As in, we cannot get the pictures off the hard drive. As in, we have no videos or pictures of Evan since the day he was born, except for the few pictures (no video) I have posted on FB and on this blog. This means, after much research and many calls to computer disaster businesses -if we want to fork over up to $1,600 to extract those photos from the hard drive, there is a chance they can be recovered. A chance.

I'm all cried out.

Maybe I should end this blog post with a plea to all of our friends and family who might have any photos or video of Evan from the time he was born until recently, to please let us have whatever you have. We would greatly appreciate it.

May all other Mother's Days exceed this one in awe and splendor. Amen.

 

MOM: A Tribute

Dear Mom,

It's me. The baby of the family. Of course by saying that I'm referring to chronological order. No comments from any of my sisters for that one! I'll get to your tribute in just a minute mom. I think I should use this minute to tattle on Anita, because one time she called me a spoiled brat. She's not too old to spank.

Ahem. Dear Mom,

You were born:

You weren't questioning that were you? Hopefully I just put your mind at ease.

This is beautiful you.

Actually, all of the pictures I'm going to post of you are beautiful you. But let's begin with high school.

I wish you still had those glasses. Do you remember what you were wearing on picture day? Because black is a good color on you.

While we're celebrating high school, let's show off this little gem.

Prom! Prom is a weird word, isn't it. Keep saying it over and over. Prom Prom Prom Prom.

But look! I wore a sleeveless dress to my prom just like you did mom! My picture should should have been in black & white too, though, because I was pasty white. White porcelain. Or glue colored.

Back to you.

 Do you remember the time you "babysat" for the twins?

Good thing I was there to help out by taking pictures.

Speaking of babysitting, who are these two hoodlums with you in the church directory photo?

I'm not sure what the comment had to do with babysitting. At least it provided a transition. Transitions matter in Mom tributes. While we're gazing at the precious picture of you with my sweetheart nieces, let me take a minute to reflect with you on that time of our lives. Thank you for being Jesus to those girls. So young an impressionable, and having gone through such heartbreak (all of us), you remained strong, and kept us all together. The only way you did it was because you were constantly on your knees before our Heavenly Father. What a legacy you will leave us.

Not that I'm saying you are going to die soon! 

Gosh. I have to put a disclaimer on everything I say.

Thank you for the nights you stayed up with me to watch Star Search. Limited Warranty! Thank you for letting me dance in the living room pretending I was Grace Kelly dancing with Fred Astaire. (Thank you Aunt Patti, for letting me borrow your movies).  You didn't even make fun of me. Maybe you did when you snuck to your bedroom. If you did, I'm ending this tribute.

Just kidding.

You brought us together every Christmas by presenting your precious Jesse Tree.

How many families can say they do this?

Bobbie, next year I get to hang the cross!

Family.

Remember the fun times you've had with yours:

I love you Mom.



The Perfect Scam

This Morning I had the great privilege of receiving a scam email. This meant that all the turmoil I was feeling about not having a post for my blog came to a screeching halt.
-Without further adieu-

 

From: Num Xaab Vaaj [censored
Sent: Thursday, April 18, 2013 3:08 AM
Subject: Please be of help!!Num Xaab Vaaj

 

Hope you are in good health.Could you please help me if you can?this has had to come in a hurry and it has left me in a devastating state. I traveled to Manilla Philippine for a Seminar,unfortunately for me all my money was stolen at the hotel where I lodged. The Embassy only cleared me of my traveling documents and ticketing since I came in on official purpose. I only need to clear the hotel bills before I can leave but of course they stopped billing me since the incident. I didn't bring my phones here and the hotel telephone lines were disconnected during the robbery, so I have access to only emails. Please i want you to send me $ 2,000 dollars so I can return home. As soon as I get home I would refund it immediately. Western Union seems to be the safest and quickest option for now. Please email me back so i can forward my information to you.

XF. Num Xaab Vaaj (Pastor Xang Vang)

Censored

__________________________________________________________________________________

From: Wilkins, Joy
Sent: Thursday, April 18, 2013 8:08 AM
To: Num Xaab Vaaj
Subject: RE: Please be of help!!Num Xaab Vaaj

Dear Pastor Xang Vang,

What a horrible and tragic story! Thank you for asking about my health. Several times I have had bronchitis and I have to get a Zpac each time in order to cure it. One time I had tonsillitis AND an ingrown toenail -at the same time! Currently, I'm feeling rather healthy although I fear my sinuses might be acting up. Nothing that a little Constant Comment tea and honey doesn't help.

Before I can commit to helping you in any way, there are a few things I must know. What happened to the $2,000 I sent when this same thing happened to you while you were in England? I'm just curious. I guess you were able to get home. More importantly... what seminar were you attending? Was it good? What did you learn? What hotel are you staying at? I have heard that hotels in Manila have bed bugs, is this true? You should ask for a discount from the hotel.

Let’s discuss the issue of money. $2,000 seems a bit low! Are you absolutely sure that is all you need? I would think you would need at least $5,139.27. Don’t you want to bring home any souvenirs from your trip?  Certainly I can wire the money from a laundered account. Although, I do have a friend in the FBI that poses as a Western Union Worker to catch criminals.He will be able to ensure that you receive your money safely! Perhaps we should go that route instead. I’m ready to receive the information I need. In the meantime, do some sight seeing and enjoy the time you have in Manila.

Joy D. Wilkins
Church Services Assistant

Censored

 

Congenital Ptosis: The Surgery

Our God is so faithful. I'm so glad I have Him to trust and turn to not just on days like today, but every.single.day.

Bright and early this morning at approximately 4:50 a.m. Jason's alarm went off. I actually didn't need the alarm because I had just woken up from the strangest dream ever. About knowing Evan was going to have his eye surgery and there was a great white shark in our bedroom (I think the shark was in our room to keep us from feeding Evan or giving him anything to drink, because I went to bed last night stressed out that we would forget and give him food in the morning) and my mom was in our garage with some ladies from Haiti or Ethiopia or Africa, (I never found out where they were from) and they were doing laundry, and Jason had grown a beard. I know. I didn't want to wake up, it was so awesome.

 

We had to be at the surgery center for pre-op by 6:30 a.m. I was so grateful to be able to have this procedure done first thing in the morning. I wanted it to be behind us.

Jason was selected to take Evan to get the anesthesia. Jason was back in the waiting room with me in minutes.He said Evan didn't love having the mask forced to his face but he took it like a champ and whimpered just a bit before he was out.

 

His surgery was scheduled for 7:30, but actually began at about 8:00 and by 8:30 we were called back into the post-op room to comfort our miserable little man. I held him, while Jason fed him snacks, but he cried inbetween bites. Evan did. Not Jason.

By 9:30, we were released to come home.

 

We took a before picture of Evan this morning, but because Evan was so tired, and the angle was not straight on, the picture really didn't do justice as a good before picture. So I used a picture we took a few weeks ago.

You can see the mark the surgeon put above his eyebrow on his right side so that he knew which side to operate on. Smart man!

His eye is a bit swollen, as expected. However, I do believe that once the swelling goes down, his eyes are going to look the same, for the most part.

When we got home, we fed Evan and then he and daddy cuddled on Dawson's bean bag and watched Baby Einstein: Baby Wordsworth. Jason learned to say "chair" and "ball".

Then Evan napped for about 15 minutes:

Speaking of naps. ...

Whew. I might need a nap. Or some chocolate.

A Visit with Victor

Welcome to Victor, Colorado. Not you, just me. I was the one who took the picture so I'm invited. I love this little ghost town. Jason is scared of it. Every time I got out of the car to take pictures, he would yell "hurry up and get back in the jeep, we look like creepers!"  I don't know about you, but I thrive on creeping. Yeah, I don't really. We were recently cautioned by our neighbors that we shouldn't get out of the car if we visit there. I can't remember why though. Maybe we'd get shot by the few people that actually live there. Pshaw. No one has ever seen how fast I can dodge a speeding bullet! Because, I never have. So. I really wanted pictures, so I threw caution to the wind. Why do people say that anyway? You can't throw caution.

First Stop:

Who can pass up a store called Kinnikinnik?! Jason wouldn't let me get out of the car for this one. He took the camera and did an inconspicuous point and click and hoped he got the words in the picture because he knew that was the important part to me. I find it odd that there is a glass lamp shade sitting on a chair outside the store. Here is another important detail. Kinnikinnik was OPEN for business, had we dared to venture in! Someone should name their kid Kinninkinnik. Do it.

Look. Here is a non-creepish shot of the actual little town, full of its dilapidated buildings. I do believe my mom instilled in me a love for old buildings. I'm not sure why I think that. She used to collect old bottles. Maybe I related the two somehow. I do know that when I was growing up, we had a house by ours that we affectionately called "The Haunted House" because it was old and falling apart and I always wanted to go in it. But I didn't want to find a dead body or a ghost.

If you keep going down the road, which Jason felt the need to do to keep me from getting out, you find this:

Who wouldnt' want to drive this home to mama? Here it is when I saturate it in color:

You have to turn around once you drive past the truck because it's a dead end. Sometimes I think my end is dead. At least I would, if it made any sense.

Look at these neat super-old-falling-apart-crappy-paint-job buildings!

My guess is that the windows are all boarded up so that people don't go inside and loot. Because I know there are treasures in there. Like, dust. And pitchforks.

Now I know this building has something exciting inside! Like wooden spoons.

I don't have anything to say about this old mine. It probably has dirt inside.

This is the pretty view surrounding the town of Victor. I can't really say "This is the pretty view surrounding Victor" because it implies Victor is a person and not a town and I don't like the structure of that sentence.




Bobbie, this picture is for you. I'm not sure why I wanted to take a picture of this storefront and show it to you, or why you came to mind when I saw it, because I don't, in any way, think the mannequin looks like you. Or is dressed like you. Maybe I think you'd pose like that for a picture? No, I'm just kidding. But I did think of you and wanted this picture for you to see, so there you go. I'm going to guess that store 108 1/2 wasn't open.

Our last stop on the way out of town was to an old mine. Not the mine in the previous picture a bit ago, but a different mine.

I think Dawson looks a bit like he's afraid the big cables are going to attack him.





He looks happier in this picture. More like he's standing in front of a huge spool of thread.

Here's a picture of the gear box. Every person should own a picture of a gear box in a mine, wouldn't you say?

I don't know what this is. But it seems important in the grand scheme of mining.

This room could use a little TLC.

The boys in front of an elevator.

This was under the elevator. Jason was curious.

So he decided crawl down there and get a picture to see how far down the hole went.

Pictures of the side of a mine are prized possessions this year. Get yours today.

Last picture. Do you see the outline of a Christmas Stocking in Christmas lights?

Love Points for Dummies

The credit for the title of this book post goes to my brother-in-law.

I will keep all royalties from the sale though. No worries.

Depending on how much money I make from the royalties, Tim, I might buy you a lottery ticket.

The idea behind this post all began one blustery day (actually, I have no idea if the day was blustery. What if it wasn't?! Will book sales lower dramatically?) when my sister Anita left the first "happy birthday" comment for my nephew on FaceBook. When I say "first" I mean that she beat me to it.

IN MY DEFENSE,

My sister is on Indiana time, and therefore her day begins 2 hours before my day begins. So technically I was first. You can read all about the importance of being first and last in the bible. Back to the point. My sister left the first happy birthday comment for my nephew. However, my happy birthday comment, which came next in line, was in ALL CAPS.

I know, right?

Before I go any further, I am going to make you privy to how this all went down:

(hint: click on the picture to enlarge it, and therefore, I cannot be held liable for any squinting that ensues)

There.

If many of you are feeling offended at this moment because you think that I think you're a dummy that's too bad. My sister Bobbie has a series of CDs you can listen to about not taking offense. So.

I thought this was a great topic for me to explore for several reasons.

1. I know how to assign value to love.
2. I'm a dummy.
3. Point charts are for people that are OCD and I'm one of those people.

Let's begin by assessing what love actually is, shall we? I'm going to give you my own definition because it's my book. Love is a verb. Yes. I stole that from D.C. Talk because I don't have all day to come up with a better definition. Going by that definition, it makes it easy to assign point values to love prompted actions.

This is how the points system works.

 

1. The more loving you are, the more points you get.

 

I need to interrupt for just a moment to ask if anyone can tell me why squid is called calamari when it's fried? Why isn't it called squid? Extra love points are awarded to anyone who can answer this. Even more are given to the first person to answer.

 

2. If you are the first person to show love to another, you are awarded bonus points.

3.  Points accumulate on a daily basis.

 And there you have it.

I just scored points for writing all of this.

It's time to get started. Go.

Yes. I'll autograph your book.



Jason.David.Wilkins

Guess who was born on this day, the 13th of March of the year 19XX?

Jason David Wilkins, that's who.

Take a minute to reflect on birthday's past. Don't forget this one too.

He has never stopped sticking his finger in the birthday cake to sample the frosting.

Jason looks like Evan in this picture.

He only recently moved away from sporting a bowl hair cut. Okay, I lied on that one. I'll bet that he really does wish that they still made the rainbow bright outfit like his buddy to his right is wearing. He'd look good while jogging out in the Colorado sun to the Rocky theme song. Well, if he jogged. Jason looks like Dawson in this picture. Awww.  Hey! I see more unopened presents on top of the tv! What were they? I'll bet one was the UnGame! I think I used to have a haircut like the anonymous brown-haired mullet person.

 

I'm not sure why I'm throwing this picture in here since it's not birthday related. But it's my blog so I can do what I want.  Isn't he a cutie-butt? Still is.

 
Here he is as a big kid. This was in our apartment when we were first married. Karen, do you remember that couch? This picture is driving me crazy because the wall is cluttery.

Here's a picture Jason took of my eye.

Here's one he took of an olive on a chip.

Here's one he took of an I don't know what it is.

 
Okay. Back to Jason. I can tell he's tempted by the plastic fruit.
It's okay honey, Dawson pulls his socks up like that sometimes.

Well, this one is from Christmas which is nowhere related to a birthday. But in my defense, there are presents. He's so stinking cute in this picture!

 Happy Birthday Honey. I'm glad you were born.